This morning I read a blog post by Sarah Flake that really resonated with me. She talked about the bond created through physical touch, and how it’s rather sad that our society is uncomfortable with hugs and the like from anyone but family and perhaps close friends. It made me reflect on my own attitude toward physical affection over the years.
My roommate Cathy was a very huggy person, and though that seemed unusual to me at first, she eventually hugged me so many times that I became a compulsive friend-hugger myself, at least when they visit or I haven’t seen them in a while. Despite this change, though, I never imagined how important physical affection would be to me as a wife and parent.
I hug Phillip constantly, and hold his hand whenever we sit next to each other. When I walk past him, I can’t resist running a hand along his shoulders or through his hair. A few times when he has been sick and I wanted to avoid contamination, I rarely managed to stay away for more than an hour or two before I broke down and hugged him. Words and shared activities are important, but I think I need touch most of all. Husband hugs improve a bad day even better than ice cream.
I find I am very affectionate with Joy, too. In the early days of motherhood, when I was terribly stressed over my new responsibilities, I would sometimes hold her little sleeping form close like a child holds a teddy bear, somehow deriving comfort from her peaceful coziness. Those anxious days are long past now, but I still love baby cuddles, and avoid wearing lipstick at home because I love kissing my little baby so much. When I put her down for naps, I rub her arms, tummy, cheeks, and hair, partly to comfort her but mostly because it’s a natural outgrowth of the love I feel as I sing her lullabies.
Sometimes when I kiss my baby’s cheek for the tenth time in as many minutes, I reflect that such affection isn’t really acceptable in our culture outside families, and may not even be welcomed by her as she gets older. We’ll see. Since I couldn’t predict my current state I will make no attempt to predict the future. I do at least think that things like hugs and backrubs will remain common occurrences. I sure hope so.