This morning I read a blog post by Sarah Flake that really resonated with me. She talked about the bond created through physical touch, and how it’s rather sad that our society is uncomfortable with hugs and the like from anyone but family and perhaps close friends. It made me reflect on my own attitude toward physical affection over the years.
My roommate Cathy was a very huggy person, and though that seemed unusual to me at first, she eventually hugged me so many times that I became a compulsive friend-hugger myself, at least when they visit or I haven’t seen them in a while. Despite this change, though, I never imagined how important physical affection would be to me as a wife and parent.
I hug Phillip constantly, and hold his hand whenever we sit next to each other. When I walk past him, I can’t resist running a hand along his shoulders or through his hair. A few times when he has been sick and I wanted to avoid contamination, I rarely managed to stay away for more than an hour or two before I broke down and hugged him. Words and shared activities are important, but I think I need touch most of all. Husband hugs improve a bad day even better than ice cream.
I find I am very affectionate with Joy, too. In the early days of motherhood, when I was terribly stressed over my new responsibilities, I would sometimes hold her little sleeping form close like a child holds a teddy bear, somehow deriving comfort from her peaceful coziness. Those anxious days are long past now, but I still love baby cuddles, and avoid wearing lipstick at home because I love kissing my little baby so much. When I put her down for naps, I rub her arms, tummy, cheeks, and hair, partly to comfort her but mostly because it’s a natural outgrowth of the love I feel as I sing her lullabies.
Sometimes when I kiss my baby’s cheek for the tenth time in as many minutes, I reflect that such affection isn’t really acceptable in our culture outside families, and may not even be welcomed by her as she gets older. We’ll see. Since I couldn’t predict my current state I will make no attempt to predict the future. I do at least think that things like hugs and backrubs will remain common occurrences. I sure hope so.
5 comments:
I feel so sad. I'm actually a person who struggles with showing (and receiving) physical affection. I'm glad you were able to learn from Cathy; I learned a little, but I still feel too awkward when I'm touching someone, or being touched by them. I hope I'll overcome that in time.
So, in short, I'm so happy that you now experience so much joy through physical touch. I hope someday to do the same. :)
Thanks for a lovely post.
Thank you.
I'm sure you'll do fine. For better or worse, we usually end up becoming what we truly desire.
Let me introduce myself. I am Phillip's cousin, though you and I have never met. I am John's baby sister, Kristen's oldest daughter. My parents attended your wedding I think. I have the outspoken Mexican dad. Anyway, I love your blog, and I check it very often. I used to only check the family one with all the pics of Joy -she is adorable- but now I constantly check all of the blogs. It is nice to get to know you through your writing, and I hope to meet you someday. I am also not a touchy person. I hate to be touched by people that I am not comfortable with, but with my husband I have learned that he needs physical affection. I, too, hold his hand as often as possible. Not to blabber to much, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your posts. Keep 'em coming.
Your cousin,
Risa West
I enjoyed this post as well! As a society we don't care about each other nearly as much as we should-- considering the fact that we're all heavenly siblings, and children of God. I can understand not showing a stranger physical affection, but what is truly disheartening is the fact that we don't often offer more than an akward and forced hello to the checker who assists us with our groceries, etc. I find myself sometimes even forgetting that these people I come in contact with daily are real individuals too, with families and lives and beating hearts of thier own. Thanks for your thoughts on this topic.
Risa, I remember meeting your dad at the wedding. I bet you guys had a fun time growing up in his house. I'm glad you're enjoying the blog - it's nice to know that someone enjoys sharing my random thoughts. :)
Carrie, I know what you mean about the anonymous grocery checkers. I keep trying to remind myself that people are fascinating if you just take the trouble to get to know them.
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