Divided Heart

It's Election Eve, and I find myself in an unexpected tug-of-war. I plan to vote for McCain, and part of me sincerely wants him to win (read the inordinantly long squirrel post if you want to know why). On the other hand, part of me really wants the victory to go to Obama.

The contradiction arises partly from curiosity--I want to know if an inexperienced visionary can live up to his image and deliver on his promises. I think my main motive, though, could best be described as idealistic yearning. I WANT him to be as great as he says he is. I want to believe that such a political leader exists, even though I know he probably doesn't.

In my more rational moments, I remember that all politicians stretch the truth, promise more than they can deliver, and basically tell us what we want to hear. I also know that even if Obama gets every program that he calls for passed into law, they still may not achieve all the glittering ends he has described. You know that, and I know that, but part of me still wants him to be the knight in shining armor, the cowboy in the white hat, the flawless good guy who will ride in and save the day with a nice, tidy, happy ending.

We Americans love that good vs evil scenario--the Good War against the Nazis, the Jedis against the Sith, Superman against Lex Luther--which may explain why many people on both sides can be so dogmatic. We want there to be a "good side," and we want to be on it, so once we choose a candidate our cause we tend to filter out everything bad about our choice and everything good about the other one. Soon we think we really ARE voting for Luke Skywalker, and that if his opponent Darth Vader wins it will mean the end of civilization as we know it.

I can't imagine McCain as Superman or Robin Hood, even if he were the one encouraging us to rob the rich to feed the poor. After all his condescension, smear attacks, and policies that seem to favor the rich and big corporations, I just can't see McCain in any sort of heroic light. But against all reason I keep hoping that Obama, with his high-road rhetoric and effort to engage minds rather than strike fear into hearts, will be the good guy he implies he is.

I know that's emotion talking, not reason, but by golly I wanna to believe. And for better or worse, I will probably get what I'm guiltily wishing for. Heaven help us, either way.