My Daughter, Myself

Joy was in good spirits most of the day, but she started acting out a little this evening (throwing things, refusing to help clean up, etc.). As I did my best to remain positive and respond effectively to each situation, I realized I was having a much easier time feeling affection for Daniel than for Joy. I think a big reason for that is that my relationship with Daniel is much less complicated at this point.

I think Daniel’s sweet, he finds me comforting, and I don’t have to worry about how to discipline him or teach him good principles. By contrast, many of my interactions with Joy involve her pushing her limits and my buttons, and my struggles to teach and promote good behavior aren’t always effective.

While I might wish my relationship with Joy was as sweet and simple as what I share with Daniel, I can’t help thinking that my relationship with my Heavenly Father is more like what I experience with Joy. I’m a basically good child, but I repeatedly try His patience in some ways. Yet He loves me anyway, and if I hope to become more like Him, I need to cultivate a similar ability to love despite challenges, not in absence of them.

More Faith Than Fear

The next few days are going be crazy and unpredictable. Since there's no way to plan how to handle them effectively, I've been trying to not think about them at all. Surprisingly, I discovered that stressed me out more. Then I remembered a principle from Tuesdays with Morrie.

Morrie was slowly dying from a chronic disease, but rather than mentally fleeing fear, he acknowedged it whenever it reared its head then he consciously set it aside. I'm trying to do likewise, acknowledging that the next few days will be demanding, but also putting faith in God, in myself, and in the family and friends committed to helping us through. After all, worry contributes nothing useful, and it robs us both of the anticipation of the future and enjoyment of the present.

Baby and I are Home

My little bundle of boy arrived earlier this week. We're both doing fine and happy to be home. My feelings vacillate between eagerness to get back into life and a lethargic yearning for more naps. Consequently it's hard to say whether I'll be posting a lot or a little in coming weeks. We'll just have to take things as they come, as always.

In the meantime, gentle readers, I hope all's well with you.

Adventures in the Kitchen

A few weeks back I published a post on how my perception of myself has evolved. One significant aspect of that change has been my defining hobby. I used to read voraciously in high school, and though I had less time for pleasure reading in college I continued to define myself as a bookworm. These days I still enjoy books, but I rarely make time to read them and I'm embarrassed to say that I regret that more on principle than because of some deep yearning in my soul. If I have any defining hobby these days, I would have to say it's food and the preparation thereof.

That's not to say I'm some gourmet with super-refined taste. I wouldn't even say I'm a foodie--I enjoy eating, preparing, and learning about food, but I'm not full-time obsessive about it (yet?). I just enjoy good food, and find that cooking is a creative outlet that works in my schedule. I usually feel too busy to attempt reading anything longer than an internet news article or blog post, but since I have to feed my family every day I figure I might as well use that time as an opportunity to experiment and create something we will (hopefully) enjoy.

I've learned some interesting things along the way. For example, I recently discovered that bacon actually does play a meaningful role in some dishes, including a chicken chili recipe from which I always used to omit it. I've also learned that bottled lemon juice in no way compares with fresh squeezed, that red and green bell peppers actually taste very different (when I first started cooking, I assumed people just chose one over the other because they liked the color), and that pouring water on unbaked apple crisp can actually produce tasty results (a.k.a. my new favorite dessert). I'm curious to see what longstanding assumption I unexpectedly debunk next week.

Don't expect me to host a cooking show any time soon, though. I often tell people that if I started one, it would be billed as a comedy with viewers betting on what I would drop, spill, omit, or burn next. Most of my dishes turn out all right in the end, but it would be woefully inaccurate to call my preparation style either elegant or efficient. Oh well--what really matters is that the result tastes good and I had a good time making it.

If Only I Could Eat A Picture . . .

Wanna see some food photography so lusciously intense that you'll even drool over things you normally wouldn't choose to eat? Well, even if you don't, check this out, and tell me what you think. :)

Funny thing is, the site offers recipes for all the dishes pictured, but for once I don't care how to make the food. I just want to keep LOOKING at it . . .

The Influence of Munchkins on Self-Definition

Sometime in the murky past, I was on an internet forum where someone noted that a disproportionate number of mothers choose usernames centering on their role as a mom: briansmommy, motheroftwins, momandthreemonkeys, etc. The person posed the question whether it is a positive thing to define yourself by the role you play in life, especially when that role centers on someone else.

I don't recall what the consensus was on the forum, or even what my response was at the time. All I know is that I'm increasingly coming to embody that scenario. Not that I'm considering changing my blog title to "Mama of Two" in a few weeks, but mothering does dominate my time and thoughts far more than anything else these days.

While I love cooking and I compulsivley turn on NPR in the car to hear the latest news or soak up a bit of culture, most of the time my mental energy is devoted to molding my daughter's character, figuring out what she's trying to communicate, and struggling to remain calm when she spills another glass of juice. Motherhood challenges and rewards me more than any other activity ever has. It is a source of incredible joy, but it also relentlessly reminds me how imperfect I am. Taking all that into account, I suppose it's a logical step to define myself by the role that consumes my time and thoughts, motivates and directs my efforts at self-improvement, and consistently brings me the most joy.

Ten Things That Make Me Happy

This isn't any sort of meme I got tagged for (though you're more than welcome to post a similar list, if you feel so inclined :). I just got to thinking about the simple pleasures in my life, and thought I'd share:

1) Husband hugs
2) Daughter laughs
3) Feeling the Spirit in peaceful moments
4) One-on-one time with my sweetheart
5) Cooking something that tastes good
6) Reading something for pleasure
7) Doing a little exercise
8) Acquiring new kitchen gadgets (I'm currently drooling over this, but I'm not sure I'd use it enough to justify the expense)
9) Productivity (now that I'm a mom, I have greater appreciation for this increasingly rare pleasure)
10) Eating See’s milk chocolate peppermint patties (I could probably live on those things, but if I couldn’t I’d sure die happy.)