The other day I was talking with someone, and I noticed that he was very good at asking small talk questions about books I was reading, etc., but didn’t seem genuinely interested in my answers. In fact, he rarely seemed entirely comfortable, as if he was so concerned about thinking of things to talk about in the future that he couldn’t relax and enjoy the present conversation.
The experience made me think about my own interaction with people, especially strangers. A little bit of small talk (“Where are you from? What do you do?” etc.) is often necessary when you’re getting to know someone, but it alone doesn’t make for a very satisfying conversation. Rather, it’s a tool for finding common interests that you can discuss in real depth. In most cases, if you ask a few good questions you quickly find that a person has a shared interest or some experience you’d genuinely like to learn more about.
I hope I’m both persistent and genuinely curious enough about people to dig for the really interesting stuff, rather than just scratching anxiously on the surface and never really looking at what turns up.
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