My friend Beth's blog is fun to read, but it also gets me thinking. A few days ago, she wrote that since she's so excited about her upcoming move to Boston, it's hard to resist the urge to tell all the thrilling details to anyone who inquires how she's doing. When their eyes glaze over, she reins herself in and reminds herself that just because she's excited about the new endeavor doesn't mean everyone else is. Reflecting on this phenomenon, she observed that people are "interested (and perfectly rightly so) in their own lives. Because, honestly, first and foremost that's the most important (and urgent) thing you have to deal with."
In response to that post, someone wrote about an intriguing experiment they tried: "When I started a new job I refused to say anything about myself unless someone asked me a specific question. The result? People stopped talking to me because I was boring, was never able to make a personal connection with anyone . . ., and people felt uncomfortable sharing with me since I never shared with them.
"So I started talking about myself again and we were all much happier. People want to know who you are. People are what make life interesting."
I think that, by default, we are all interested in our own lives and it's easiest to talk and think about our own perspectives. However, conversations and relationships become vastly more interesting when we take an interest in other people's lives, too. It's a balance of sharing of yourself, and encouraging others to share back.
That's not to say that the people Beth knows are all self-centered or inconsiderate. I suppose when people are making polite small talk, they don't want a lot of detail about anything, however fascinating it may be. They're just exchanging pleasantries and making sure you're doing OK.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
i am soooooo bad at "small talk" asking other people about themselves etc. i can answer questions and once the convo gets going i'm good, but i can't start one.
isn't it interesting how we are all so different. some have strong qualities where others lack and vice versa. i love the diversity.
side note: its weird but when i read your title i read "the social implications of talking TO yourself" so i was thinking the post was going in a completely different direction.
happy mother's day!!
Small talk doesn't always come easy to me, either. I keep trying to remind myself that the reward is worth the risk, but sometimes I still chicken out. They say practice makes perfect, though, so here's hoping. :)
Post a Comment