Shortly before Joy arrived, my friend Janie gave me two bits of parenting counsel: 1) Expect nursing to hurt--a lot; 2) Don't don't don't bother comparing your child to other kids--it's pointless and just makes you crazy.
I had no inkling how right she would be about nursing, but for the first year or so I didn't feel much temptation to compare Joy with her cohort. Lately, though, I have sometimes caught myself wishing she would demonstrate some impressive sort of aptitude. Since I’ve spent much of my life at the head of my class, part of me wants Joy to be at the head of hers—walking and talking before everyone her age instead of after them. So far the only developmental step she’s ahead of the curve on is producing teeth, and that’s more a credit to her genetics than her intellect or proactivity.
As I reflected on this and how silly it is to be competitive about baby development, I realized there are several other things Joy excels at which have been great blessings to me. She is a solid sleeper, she is willing to try a variety of foods, and she shows empathy toward others. Best of all, she has a ready smile, a sweet laugh, and an inquisitive nature that reminds me to explore and appreciate this wonderful world. Those qualities have made my life so much richer, and I wouldn’t trade them for any others.
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6 comments:
I feel like it is impossible not to compare my kids' skills with other children their age. I am glad that you are trying focus more on Joy's abilities. BTW-Has she started nursery yet?
After I'd taught middle school for about four months, I told my husband of just a few months that I didn't care if our kids were athletic, smart, musical, popular, pretty or artistic. I told him that I would count ourselves successful as parents if we were able to raise kids who had compassion for other people.
About the same time I made my above comments, I was talking with a parent of one of my students saying, I hope my kids are like this part of me and like that part of Plantboy, etc. He laughed and said, "You can help them, for sure, but they just are who they are. The come with programming that is all their own." Nearly seven years of parenting later and I'm still learning that precious lesson every day.
Little Joy probably is more gifted than any of the rest for her beautiful attributes described here. She is lucky to have you for a mother.
oh boy does nursing hurt, luckily that passes!!
and they truly do come already programmed. joy will be joy, and that's a wonderful thing. i wouldn't trade my little fireball for anything ... i can't wait to meet number 2 and see what her personality will hold!!
Not comparing is a hard one. You know you have reached an all-time low when you find yourself thinking, "yeah, well, MY kid poops at least 6 times a day!" just so they can be the best at something. ;)
Good observations. That was good advice! I wish someone had told me how much nursing would hurt, but luckily it was much easier the second time around--maybe because my body was used to it, I don't know. At any rate, I was exceptionally grateful I could walk down stairs without clutching my chest.
every kid has their genius...their gifts...their blessings...and no one gets the same ones.
especially this young their personalities are just beginning to emerge and it's ridiculous to try to figure out who'll they'll be.
i got tons of comments comparing my children to each other. i smile and let them think what they want. and remember, hannah is hannah. adam is adam. each with their own strengths and weaknesses. and they are perfectly happy complementing each other and supporting each other...what a detriment it would be if i were the one to begin spreading insecurity and them questioning who they are. i just keep reminding myself to enjoy them for who they are. help them when i can. guide them where i should. and let them be who they are...not who i might want them to be.
they love me unconditionally...i should be able to return the favor...
(thanks for letting me spill)
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