Most of the time I enjoy being a mom, but now and then there are days when I just want to scream. Loud. The majority of those wanna-scream moments (or hours) boil down to a conflict between good things I want to do, and better or best things that I need to do (i.e. I want to read books and develop talents, but I need to teach, nurture, protect, and entertain my toddler).
This conflict between good and best can be frustrating, and when we're frustrated we often want to blame someone (our spouse, the president, the oil companies, etc.). In my case Joy is a tempting scapegoat because when I want to do something but can't, she is usually the one who needs me to do something else. I forget that if I weren't a mother I'd be working and have even less free time. I also forget that I do actually have some discretionary time that I spend blogging, journaling, gardening, etc.,--I just don't have nearly as much of it as I'd like.
I suspect part of my frustration stems from the fact that when I was working, I could do whatever I chose once I got home. Now I'm home all the time, with my books, hobbies, and nagging tasks literally at my fingertips, but my new career (which I wouldn't trade for a moment) requires that I turn my back on them while they call after me with seductive voices.
Sigh--the longer I live, the more convinced I become that humans are not rational beings. We like to think we are because the prospect of unpredictability is unsettling, but the truth is that we often vote for who we (or our demographic) like not who's best, we buy things because we want them not because we can afford them, and we'd rather mope about something than fix it or get over it. I think we can be rational (at least most of the time), but many of us prefer not to make the effort.
For my part I do try to think and act rather than just react, but I really should work harder at it because the days I blame and wish and mope are usually the days I end up wanting to scream. More importantly, they are the days I overlook the fun and joy of my life because I'm distracted by unrealistic wishes. Far, far too often I have failed to appreciate stages of my life because I wished they were different in some way, and I usually carried that mentality over even when I reached the milestones I yearned for. Heaven help me if I miss the wonders of parenthood because I wish I had more time to myself. Before I know it Joy will be off to kindegarten then off to college, and I'll be willing to trade all the free time in the world to have these days back again.
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By joining the Moms clubs where ever I have lived, and Mommy and Me classes, Have helped with all that. By being able to goof off and talk to other moms, and spend time with my kids at the same time, help alot when I feel like I need to go to the top of a mountain and scream my brains out.
We scrapbook, journal, read, cook, and whatever else the moms like to do, while we set up things for the kids to do. Christopher and Lauren also do some of the things with me. We also plan things just for the kids. We also have Moms day out, and Moms night out. You can check the International moms club website to see which moms club is in your area. I trip out every day on how some of the moms handle things.
What a fantastic post. I know just how you feel. I love how you said the bit about being surrounded by your hobbies, but unable to do them. When I was working full time, not hobby-ing didn't seem to bother me as much as it does now.
More kids helps AND hinders this feeling. Once they get to a certain age, they spend a lot of time entertaining one another. Which is actually really hilarious.
On the other hand, all three of mine are still young enough to be very needy in their own ways, and if my house stays clean for more than two hours it is because everyone is asleep or gone.
Kim, this is absolutely true. And it's absolutely true for absolutely every life stage. I've definitely found myself often longing for some nebulous something-else and forget to really love what I have now.
Thanks for the reminder, dear friend.
haha, yes all moms struggle with this. as a WAHM i find it hard to balance taking care of aidan and working on things that need to be done (currently my taxes before the end of the month). sometimes i turn on wiggles so i can do the dishes or whatever needs to be done. its hard, but its worth it. i wouldn't trade being a SAHM ... i can't imagine anyone else watching my little fireball everyday.
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