"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Why exactly do some people feel compelled to tell others their faults - that they drive too fast, they don't read their scriptures, or (ahem) their little apartment is ridiculously messy? Is it like Francois says, that we are trying to convince people we don't have other, bigger flaws (cuz, by golly, we would have told you about them by now)? Is it because we don't want people to think we're unaware that our shirt is wrinkled or our car is dirty? Or is it because we hope that they'll say it's OK and then we won't feel guilty about being imperfect?
And if it's the guilt option, what do we do with that reassurance? Does it lift our spirits a bit as we keep plugging away at our flaws, or do we let it lull us into complacence ("If everyone else is OK with this problem, why should I bother fixing it?").
Perhaps there is no universal answer, and it just depends on the person. For my part, I think my most common reason for confessing my flaws is that I don't want to look like I'm holding myself up as a perfect example to people. Come to think of it, that's probably why I threw in the messy apartment comment in the first paragraph. I suppose I wanted to demonstrate that I'm not a superior person with all the answers, just a curious one with lots of questions.
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6 comments:
I would like to make a comment on this. I have a father that, until I grew other was practically flawless. Even his parents always said what a good boy he was and how he always did his chores and never did anything wrong. It is very hard to live up to that kind of a person and his expectations. I also noticed how dual his life seemed to be. Because I believe are flaws are what gives us character, if it weren't for these small character flaws. It would seem to me that the world would become dull and boring and the spice of life would there fore see to exist.
Here is my answer to this post - NOBODY is perfect, what else could we talk about besides our faults and/or strivings to be better?
I completely agree that we're all imperfect (didn't figure I was the only lucky one :). I just wonder why we choose to talk about our imperfections instead of discussing apartment-dwelling reptiles or the joys of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. Those seem vastly more interesting than, say, our messy house, so why do we feel compelled to point out the clutter?
I'm not criticizing or complaining, just curious.
I saw this quote myself the other day and smiled at what I perceived to be the truth in it. I can, at the very least, relate to the curiosity as to why we feel the need.
I don't think I often confess my faults so much as feel an overwhelming need to apologize if I think I've done something wrong or hurtful, to be completely honest about things that I see as my fault. But on those occasions when I have felt a need to discuss them, it is usually because I am trying to relate to someone else, or to put them at ease. To let friends know that I am incurably messy myself, or that it took me a long time to figure certain things out too.
I think that we really are social creatures at heart, despite some of our more introvertive tendancies, and these little "confessions" are a part of relating to each other.
I agree with the putting people at ease reason.
For myself though, I also tend to confess faults because I want people to know that I'm aware of them. So if they're going to scorn me, at least they won't scorn me for being both dumb and unapologetic about being so.
I can fully relate to both of those reasons. :)
Perhaps we also sometimes apologize to send a message that a mistake isn't typical behavior. When we say "Sorry I have mustard all over my shirt," perhaps we actually mean, "Um, I'm not really a sloppy person."
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