Lately I’ve often felt stressed and unhappy, and today I finally figured out why. I’ve been seeking happiness from things and activities, thinking if I buy this or find some free time to do that it will make me happier. Those things can be fun but they aren’t a source of lasting happiness.
Real happiness comes from making the effort to be a better person and a positive force in the lives of others. How ironic that happiness comes not from indulging ourselves, but from being generous to others and bridling (but not muzzling) our own passions. I’m grateful that the Lord helped me see that this afternoon. My whole outlook and emotional state has changed since I realized that I had things backwards.
Let's hope I remember the lesson this time. Goodness knows it isn't the first time He's had to teach it to me.
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4 comments:
brilliant! thanks for reminding us all!
It's hard being an at home mom. We don't get to get out all the time and just socialize and just let lose. We don't have complete freedom. It can take it's toll with us moms doing pretty much the same things every day. Thank goodness for music. If I couldn't jam every day, while I am doing Laundry, dishes, cooking, vacumming, picking up, wiping down walls, changing beds, cleaning bathrooms, taking baths,Taking care of the kids with, Art fun, Reading time, Manipulatives, Gym, Outside play, Math fun, Playtime, History, Music, Dance, Instrument time, Moms club, Mommy and Me, Sports, Etc.... The gospel, time with hubby, Planning some trips here and there. Having to cut back alot as things get more and more expensive. It takes a toll on your brain and body. That's why so many moms work and can't take what the lord would like from them. We go to war everyday for the Lord and sometimes we just want to pass out,
Sometimes I do and pretend I'm dead on the field so I can breathe and take a break. Then I get back up and fight again. Doing the same thing. Isn't life grand? ahahah
I was reading Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place this last week (again) and it has prodded me closer to happiness. Somehow, the reminder of how happiness can be found even in extraordinarily dismal circumstances helps me recall that mine aren't all that drab. I have so much that I've wanted all of my life. I need to focus on gratitude. Instead, I often feel that I'm swinging back and forth, pendulum-esque, between guiltily desiring time for myself and my passions (especially the really good ones,like reading good books), and then shoving away these "selfish" desires so that I can do all the things that have to be done even when I don't currently want them. Thank you for the reminder that I shouldn't muzzle myself.
Interestingly, Corrie ten Boom exemplified that quality of striving to be a positive force in the life of others that you mentioned. She goes one step beyond in her explanation of how it functions. When she was in a concentration camp and drabness and bitterness were again trying to infiltrate her life, she realized that it wasn't important if she was a positive force(though she needed to be)--the only importance was in bringing people closer to the Savior so that he could be the positive force. She was only the conductor and he was the electrical force. She had started to focus on herself and trying to sustain her own life, instead of sacrificing for others as was her wont. The self-focus had stemmed her power.
Perhaps it seems contradictory and yet it's helping me:
1) I need to nurture those things that give me me-ness (but somehow while not focusing disproportionately on myself) and
2) I don't really matter--the important thing is whether I can bring people closer to the Savior--and so I need to disappear. The old idea expressed in the song "A Window to His Love"
"and with each passing day/ I want to fade away"...so that others will see Him, not me, when they look at me. And somehow that only functions if I am being as thoroughly me as I can be.
I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis' Law of Undulation--that the closest the human animal can come to a state of constancy is to go up and down, ebb and flow.
I'm confusing myself with too many edits and additional ideas. Drat those English majors ;-)
I also just wrote too much. What I really want is to talk with you. Bleh.
Serena, I hear you. Being a mom is hard work, but I wouldn't trade it.
Cathy, I think Lewis's "Law of Undulation" is one of the most helpful things he ever wrote. And thank you for reminding me that my efforts only really benefit me and others if they bring us closer to the Savior. I keep forgetting that it's not all about me and my very limited abilities.
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