What Women Want

I once heard someone relate the story of a husband who decided to sincerely compliment his wife at least once a day. He expressed his admiration of her virtues, her strengths, the way she nurtured their children, etc. After several days, his wife said, "I know what you're doing, and I thank you for it, but all I really want is for you to tell me I'm beautiful."

Now I won't deny that it is very important to me to know my husband thinks I'm beautiful. However, it disturbs me that the speaker implied that this is what EVERY woman wants MOST. Maybe some do (more power to 'em), but for my part it is even more important to me to know that my husband respects me, and that I inspire him to be better. In turn, those two qualities are what I love most about him.

In a recent post, Scienceteachermommy referred to this as the Darcy Effect. The term refers to Jane Austen's Mr. Darcy, whose love and respect for Elizabeth Bennett inspires him to be more humble and selfless. STM thinks Darcy's enduring appeal lies in the fact that his sweetheart's example motivates him to be better. I think there's a bit more to it than that (e.g. Elizabeth finds him inspiring, too; and her influence on him is more meaningful because he already has such high standards), but I definitely think STM has a point. I (like most women I know well) want a sweetheart who finds respects me and finds me inspiring, and I want to feel the same way about him.

Godspeed

As most of you probably already know, President James E. Faust of the Church's First Presidency passed away yesterday morning. I will really miss that man. I have long felt a warm affection and respect for him, as if he were some sort of third grandpa to me. Perhaps it was because he often flavored good counsel with a bit of personal experience, like a dash of seasoning that makes wholesome food delicious. He invited us into his life and his memory, so he seemed familiar to me, even though we've never met.

I'm glad he has moved on to greet the Lord he loved, but I'll sure miss him down here.

Bonding Over Dishes

A few days ago, Phillip pointed out that we used to wash dishes together (him washing, me drying), but for some time now he has washed alone. I’m not sure how it started; perhaps it was when I needed every free minute to work on my thesis. Whatever the reason, Phillip said he missed my company, and asked if I would mind joining him again. Yesterday evening I resumed my post, towel in hand, and we had a good time talking and just enjoying each other’s company. The companionship with my husband is definitely worth more than whatever housework or leisure I’d have been doing instead.

I had planned to join Phillip for dish duty again tonight, but by evening I had a splitting headache. I was torn between spending quality time with my husband and curling up in a fetal position with our big, stuffed iguana. I decided to compromise and just pull up a chair near Phillip while he was washing. I'm glad I did--we had a thoughtful discussion about things we've been reading lately.

It's funny--lately we've been struggling to come up with activities to do at home together (Joy goes to sleep pretty early, and we lack the funds for expensive dates anyway). You can only play so many games, watch so many movies, etc. I never imagined that housework would be our magical solution, but it's turning out to be a great way for us to hang out and just enjoy being together. And hey, you can't beat the price.

Quote of the Day - "Happiness"

"You don't find happiness; you make it." - Bishop Crabb

Today we attended the wedding of a couple who are about to join our ward. Bishop Crabb officiated, and I found some of his remarks very touching. In addition to the above quote, I liked his comment that the bride and groom will be forming a unique family, born of their personal qualities, interests, and strengths. Phillip and I each come from families with distinct personalities and we, in turn, are forming a new family with its own quirks and traditions. I'm excited to see how we will evolve as the years go by.

Not Alone

"We read to know we are not alone," according to a character in the film "Shadowlands." I assume he meant we seek confirmation that others share our ideas, desires, fears, etc. I confess I've never really felt that way about reading (frankly, I just like a good story), but the principle definitely applies when it comes to blogging.

When we are around other people we tend to be on our best (or at least our better) behavior. It's not necessarily hypocritical - we're just trying to accentuate the positive so socializing will be an uplifting experience. The only trouble is that when everyone leaves their problems home, it can give each person the impression that they're the only one with a disorderly life or misbehaving children.

In the blogosphere, though, we're less concerned with keeping up appearances. We share our highs and lows - the former inspiring, the latter comforting as we're reminded that we're not the only ones who get discouraged by our challenges and faults. I'm grateful for a forum that allows me to see both the divinity and humanity of the people I know.

Bookstore Ambiance

I hung out at a bookstore today. I had met a friend for lunch, then we wanted to find a place to chat so we walked over to Borders and sat at a table outside for an hour or so. I suppose we could easily have found a park bench, but there was something about being so close to all those books that we found strangely appealing.

Do you have a place like that - a place you comforting because of what you associate with it?

Priorities

I volunteered to be on the national bone marrow donor registry today. I wasn’t aware there was such a thing until a few weeks ago. Twin baby boys in a nearby stake have a blood disease that will claim their lives if a suitable bone marrow donor is not found soon, so all the surrounding stakes are holding drives for people to find out if their bone marrow is similar enough to the twins’ to be of use. The test is simple enough: you rub cotton swabs on the inside of your cheeks, then the swabs are sent to a lab to find out if your tissue is similar enough to that of any patients needing donors. Even if I’m not a suitable donor for the twins, my data will be kept in a registry in case it matches someone else who needs a donor.

When the drive was initially announced in church, I understood that I would need to donate blood in order to be tested. We were later informed that that wouldn't be necessary, but before I learned that I was prepared to give blood in order to be on the registry. That was a big decision for me. I absolutely-from-the-bottom-of-my-soul hate needles, and the only time I ever tried to give blood it was a traumatic and fruitless experience (they couldn’t even get enough to use what they took), but I was determined to be tested no matter what I had to go through. If my baby was sick I would be desperate for anyone and everyone to be tested, and with that on my mind there was no question that I had to go today. The odds of finding a suitable donor are long, but with God all things are possible.