A friend recently wrote on her blog that her once close-knit (if somewhat dysfunctional) extended family has started drifting apart. Her grandpa died a few months ago, and now that the generation that united them is passing away, the aunts and uncles have started drifting in different directions. They still care about each other; they just don't spend as much time together as they used to.
I haven't yet suffered such a loss, but my extended family is experiencing a similar phenomenon. My dad's side of the family used to gather once or twice a month for birthdays and every major holiday. Now all the cousins are grown up and going their separate ways, and it is hard to get even the local aunts and uncles together very often. It's kind of sad, but what is is and you just have to roll with it.
The river of life and generations flows on, and though I miss some of the old traditions, we've kept a few of them and we're creating new ones with our immediate families and our new little family. I'm curious to see what traditions stick or evolve with Baby and her future siblings. It's kind of fun to think we're creating a unique, hybrid family culture that will be even more than the sum of its parts.
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2 comments:
My dad's family is exactly as you've described. I think my mom always pictured that her children would grow up, each of us move within 30 minutes or her home and gather every Sunday to continue the life we led when I was a child. But times change. For a long time, most of us lived in different states. Missions as well as school and job opportunities have spread us far and wide. Our parents gave my husband and I such wonderful gifts that we have often thought those gifts are better shared by living away.
Distances seem less insurmountable when everyone has the same cell phone plan, access to the family website and the ability to upload pictures and video almost immediately. The key is to make sure that the communication stays meaningful, even if it cannot be face to face.
I think my mom feels the same way as yours. Judging from little things she's said over the years, I think she expects us to all settle in California and gather as often as Dad's extended family did when I was little. Instead, we may end up spread across the country like her family.
Don't get me wrong - I would love for my kids to have the close relationships with cousins and grandparents that I did as a child. However, the jury is still out on where each of us siblings will settle. We may end up all staying close by, but it wouldn't surprise me if some of us end up out of state.
If my little family winds up far away from my big family, I don't think my mom is the only one who will have a hard time with it. I'm sure I'll find many things to love in our new home (like a YARD, which we can't possibly afford in CA), but it will be tough to miss out on holidays and cherished traditions.
Either way, I'm grateful for blogs and the way they allow you to keep in touch with family and friends, no matter where they are.
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