Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Hornet Mom
Today's not-so-favorite moments included . . .
. . . wasting over an hour of my very limited time on a leisure activity I didn't actually enjoy very much.
Today's favorite moments included . . .
. . . eating breakfast for dinner. Sausage, how do I love thee? With multigrain pancakes and orange juice, that's how.
. . . reading a mom blogger's disclaimer that, while she posts mainly about positive family times because that's what she wants to remember and share, she doesn't want to discourage other moms by giving the impression that her family is blissfully perfect (and yours is not). She insists that her kids "fight like the best of them" and (my favorite line) "I get mad as a hornet about dumb stuff." I completely relate.
In my entire adult life, I don't think I ever lost my temper until I had kids. Now I seem to blow my top at least weekly, sometimes daily. I'm cultivating self-control I never knew I lacked, but I'm also learning a lot about humility, love, and healing relationships. While I'm striving to establish a home where there's lots of nurturing and no shouting, realistically the yelling may never go away completely. And I think my kids will be OK in spite of that if, as soon as I calm down each time, I communicate to them that I was wrong, I'm sorry, and I love them.
So basically, if you want your mortal experience to be a vacation, do not have kids. On the other hand, if you want mortality to be a growing experience where you can learn to confront your flaws, love others (and yourself) despite imperfections, and devote your existence to nurturing others like God does, absolutely have kids.
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2 comments:
I can relate about the yelling after having kids and getting upset easily. I believe that my worst times were when I was EXHAUSTED.
I didn't like that I yelled all the time. I didn't like losing my temper. This was something that I had been praying to overcome, but it was so hard. Those kids can just be so frustrating! Then one day something changed. I had just finished reading Bringing Up Bebe. I thought to myself about how these French parents she talked about are always so calm and collected. To them it was normal to be calm. Something just clicked. I thought to myself that if they could be calm, then so could I. Looking back, I think it was a realization that I was capable of being calm; it was all in how I chose to look at things. I told my kids that I wasn't going to yell and I didn't want to hear them yelling either. For a couple weeks I was making a truly concerted effort to maintain an air of calm and encourage it in my children. After that I didn't have to think about it so much. Things that used to make me really upset aren't such a big deal any more. There's nothing so terrible that it can't be talked about in a calm manner.
That's not to say that I NEVER get upset. But our home is a MUCH more tranquil place as the kids have internalized some of my calm. They still bicker and fight about stuff, but it seems like it's easier to diffuse than it used to be.
It was an "ahah!" moment for me- the realization that my current normal could be changed by a simple attitude adjustment. I've had a couple other experiences like this, when it occurred to me that an attitude shift would make a world of difference. I believe it was the spirit nudging me with some inspiration.
I'm not saying any of this to toot my own horn. I'm only putting it out there from one mom to another. There is hope. =)
Thank you. I'll definitely give that some thought.
And you make a very good point that our fuses tend to get shorter the more tired we are. I'm a much happier and more patient person when I'm rested, but I really struggle to get to bed at a reasonable hour. My family and I need that so much, though.
Forget exercise and organizing--my New Year's resolution needs to be "get to bed by midnight."
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