The Lament of the Introvert

Today's favorite moments included . . .

. . . finally feeling like I'm getting well. Hopefully I'll feel that way tomorrow, too.

. . . reading with Joy.

And another thing . . .

. . . this morning I read a blog that I follow regularly. The post was about a major milestone in the woman's life, and I was so happy for her I was moved to tears. As I read, it occurred to me that I feel closer to this stranger who has no clue who I am than to most people I see in person on a regular basis. I suspect that's due partly to my personality, and partly to my current circumstances.

I've always been somewhat introverted, and it often takes real effort for me to get beyond smalltalk with people and discuss what really makes us tick. It's even harder to do that now that I'm so busy with motherhood. I don't spend much time socializing away from my kids, and it's hard to have a meaningful conversation when I constantly have an eye/ear on them. Some people manage to be very social when they have small children; I'm not one of those people.

I suppose that's why some blogs hold such appeal for me. The writer I read today bares her soul on a daily basis, and in a few minutes each afternoon I get a window into her heart without having to coordinate schedules or arrange a babysitter. As I read her daily joys and disappointments, things that hurt or make her happy, and just her everyday activities, I feel I really do come to know her. I feel like she's a friend, yet you could hardly call this a friendship since she doesn't know me from Eve (her blog doesn't allow comments, and she has so many thousands of readers that I'd be lost in the crowd, anyway).

As for real, face-to-face relationships, I feel like I have many dear acquaintances but few close friends here. My family fills much of my emotional bucket most of the time, and I am usually too busy to think beyond that, but now and again I wish for a friendship where we know each other inside out and savor every minute we spend together. I can't think of anyone who fits that description, lives in the same state I do, and isn't married to me (the worth of my good husband is incalculable, but it's nice to have non-family friends, too).

In some ways I feel I'm starving amid plenty. Out of all the women I associate with each week at church and parenting class, there's got to be someone I could really connect with if I weren't so busy and introverted. Sigh.